This is a fanfic for Y the Last Man I am working on. I also posted this on the DC Y Message Boards.
Ok this may be long. You've been warned.
I started by imagining a Mrs. Magoo. Now toss her into the Y verse. So what follows is a story I was brainstorming while working the overnight. I was actually laughing to myself. I am going on 36 hrs no sleep.
Here is the situation with our group at the beginning of this tale. After Widow's Pass Yorick and 355 have started hanging out together more and distancing themselves from Dr. Mann. Unintentionally of course, but they often find themselves chatting and laughing then have to stop to ask, "Hea, where's Docter Mann?", only to find her inspecting something that is more to her interests or stopping for rest. They are walking along a highway somewhere in the "plains" states where there are no mountains so the wind is fierce. They come across abandoned farms but they feel as if they are many hours apart. When ever they make it to one of these sanctionaries they stock up and move out. There we are. Now I begin.
They come up to a small farm. The trackters and equipment outside are rusted as if it is another abandoned farm except there is a lush garden with vegetables nearby which had to have been maintaned. They had run out of food a day ago and they were all starving. 355 has to stop Yorick from raiding the garden.
"What are you doing?! There's obviously someone livin' here and I think it'd be kind of rude to just tear into their crop. Let's just find whoever's livin' here and ask politely."
Yorick: "arg, fine I'm goin to take a piss. No peeking." smiling
355: "Nigga pls. I've seen it all and done it all. As a matter of fact I'll be all the way over there just so you don't even have to look over your shoulder thinkin there is even a hair of a chance I'd try to look. You can piss peacefully punk." smiling back
355 and Dr. Mann walk off yelling "Hello?" "Anybody Home?". Dr. Mann mentions hoping to find a television or radio to see if some kind of communications has been reestablished.
Yorick wanders off looking for a spot, stomach growling from hunger. He finds a thin tree. He lifts his right leg immitating a dog peeing and looks over his shoulder smiling. No one is around. He frowns and puts his leg down and gets to buisness. Seconds after he starts chickens start roaming around him.
"Aw no way! Sh*t! You terds better not try anything stupid. That's the fate of the world right there and I'll be damned if.."
"Here chick chick chick chick"
The chickens start flapping madly dangerously close to Yoricks legs and he hops onto his toes while zipping up. As he looks up he sees a carving of a heart with Jeb and Barb inside of it on the tree. An old woman is walking towards him, bent over, petting at thin air.
"Here chick chick chick chick chi..."
Yorick: "Oh Hi sorry I really had to go and.."
Yorick freezes because the woman's hand is touching him near his crotch. There is a piss stain. Her hand rises up to his face and she is feeling his face. Yorick's face is kind of disgusted because the stench of the piss on her hand is unbearable. She feels around his face.
"Jeb? Jebdia? Where the hell you been son? We been waitin for ya ever since you ran off with that girl of yours to get married. How was that thing anyways? What'd ya call it? WoolStock?"
During this dialoge she is smiling and pinching Yorick's cheeks and hugging him. She stops at the end and her jaw drops in shock.
"Oh Pa's gonna have a talk with you. He was talk'n bout ripp'n you a new one next time he saw ya. He's inside come on. I'll git Dinner up."
Yorick: "Pa?" face shocked
"Dinner." smiling
"No wait lady look..." angry
Old Woman: "What!"
she snatches Yorick by his ear and yanks him dragging him towards the main house.
Yorick: "ow ow ow ow"
"The hell you think you are back talking boy? Git inside."
Yorick: "355!! Dr. Mann!!! Anybody !! Help!"
355 and Dr. Mann run over stopping them before they reach the house.
355: "Hi I'm.."
They stop, taking in the fact that Yorick is bent over being dragged by his ear by this old woman. They have the "WTH?" face. Yorick does the "I don't fkn know!" shrug.
Old Woman: "LaWanda! What ya doin here? We let you go years ago."
Closeup of 355''s pissed off face. The old woman moves towards her to hug her letting go of Yorick. He quickly starts gesturing to 355 to calm down by putting up his palms.
"You brought my baby back to me didn't cha! I got something for ya."
She pulls out some change. 355 reaches for her gun under her jacker. Yorick jumps in while Dr. Mann is smiling with her finger to her cheek watching this scene play out.
Yorick: "Yea ma LaWanda ..umm...done picked me up at the .."
she pushes Yorick out of the way
Old Woman: "What's that ya got there? Ya brought me sutt'n LaWanda! Aw ya shouldn't have."
She reaches into 355 jacket and pulls out candybars, twinkies, and chips.
"You shoulda known better than that. You know I don't eat that junk. How am I supposed to keep the teeth I got eat'n that junk? The hell wrong with you?"
Yorick and Dr. Mann throw pissed off faces at 355 while she throws back an eyebrow raised "sorry don't kill me" smile.